I just can't stop thinking about my school life, where everyone is fun and harmless. Now I am stepping into the working life, where I have to climb my way up to get to a good place and good money. People say I am emotional, I can't agree to it more. I am an emotional creature. That's what I am and I am proud of it. At least I don't hide my true feeling about others. When I'm angry everyone knows it, when I'm happy everyone feels it. I was never extreme popular cause I don't really like to talk to others whom I don't know. I am selective about the friends I have around me. I never leave a deep impression in people's mind because I don't have something extremely wonderful neither a pretty face. I do my job in an average results, so here I am neither here or there. When It comes to studies I'm average too.

A lot of times people tends to forget how I feel, maybe people just don't care or they have the wrong perception of me. I used to put up a strong side of me to people whom I don't know and thus a lot of time people think I'm independent. Which I'm not.
I yearn for care, attention and consideration of my feelings.

Since years back people would say things that hurt my feeling but I just say "its ok" when I know it inside me that its not. I was once label as a flirt (an ugly flirt) but don't they understand that I really want to find true love so I just try and try. Now I have one but who knows what might happen in the end.

I have to thanks 2 friends who really hold me up and walk through my life for coming to 8 years. I know I'm being mushy but I just love my bestie.

There is this company which I worked with really show me what's the real corporate world is like. People who are scheming and backstabbing. Where effort don't pay but numbers do. I have to admit I learn a lot from there but I just cant help feeling sad for some who can act as if they love you when they truly hates you to core inside. All they are after is money. Sad case... I only realize what type of environment I am in after I left. I used to think that the top management was nice people but I realize I was so naive. I am inexperience. I used to tell me friends ... How good the company is and so on blah blah blah. Now I only have to laugh at myself. The reason I left or rather fired was because I was not mature enough and not because of my results. I was like "what the fuck!" What kind of fucking eason is that. But be it. I hope they wun bother about me anymore. But after I left for about 3 months they come emailing me that they count my commission wrongly. I was like "what the fuck again" and they want to take it back. After 3 months time. Can you imagine? So there I email back saying how can I believe them when all they offer me is a calculation in EXCEL (mind you excel can be done so easily). AND they said I'm being childish. Fine be it anyway it happen for such a long time ago. But I still can't get over it. Cause till today they still didn't manage to prepare my last payslip inorder for me to return the money. See how "fast" it can be.

I just can't feel the type of un-organization in the company when I was there. But now I realize that there's a lot of things to take note of when I am working and not just solely on the results. I have to wear shield like a turtle to protect my back.

I think enough of my whining. Since its all the past but I just can't forget as its a lesson for me to learn.

sign off with emptiness